22. What school did you go to again?

At times everyone's had to work or interact with some people that are supposed to have the knowledge they say (in their field) but don't. Most of the time we're able to side step them, explain the issue to someone else (hopefully someone above them) and then run away. Literally, run away.

Jim: So, in a nutshell, the application has the ability to report out data via SQL, and since we're using Crystal Reports (CR), you can use the CR features such as export to PDF and even send out reports via email.
Cat: Hey, CR! Ok, now we're talking my language here!
Jim: I'm sorry, you're from the IT line as well? I was under the impression (looks down at meeting attendance list) that you're from Sales? You're the Sales Director even. *cough* its nice meeting you by the way.
Cat: Uh huh. Oh no back when I was doing my degree I had plenty of CR experience!
Jim: Well good so as you can see, using CR, we can 'push' reports out via email, a fact I think you'd benefit greatly from.
Cat: Oh yes, we need that.
Jim: Whats your infrastructure setup like right now?
Cat: Don't worry about that, just quote us the application and maintenance, we should be able to work out the hardware based on our current infrastructure.
Jim: Well it sounds like you know what you want, I'll get on it right away!

{3 weeks and one sale later}

Support: Morning, how can I help you today?
Cat: Your application is buggy! It doesn't seem to be able to send out reports via email.
Support: Let me have a look at this, can you successfully push out the reports in CR?
Cat: OF COURSE! I know CR very well!
Support: Thats great. So CR gets the report out, but it doesn't get emailed?
Cat: Yes. Your sales guy promised CR reports to be sent out via email!
Support: Is there an error you're getting? From your mail application or a bounce email, you know something like that?
Cat: What mail application? I want the CR report sent out to my director, its not doing that?
Support: I'm sure we can resolve this quickly. What do you use for your email, Outlook or Lotus Notes?
Cat: Huh? Hotmail?
Support: . . . . . . Can I please speak to your IT department?
Cat: Like I said, your programmers are bad in CR. You guys really need pointers.
Support: I'll let them know right away!
Cat: You do that!Support: Let me get this right. You're trying to push the CR report, which requires a Mail Application to do so, into Hotmail. I dont think its going to work. It works with MS Outlook or Lotus Notes. Hotmail is a web based email, at best you should print to PDF your CR report and attach it there.
Cat: When I was doing my degree they could do that and it worked!
Support: Ma'am, I think you need help.
Cat: Um, CR help?
Support: Who can say what sort of help you need lady! Maybe a Psychiatrist! Maybe a six pack or two! Bye!

21. Coding is an Art!

A couple short anecdotes.
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Sam asks Phil to merge a file for him. After a short explanation, they conclude the right term is patching. So Phil follows with the implementation simultaneously with Sam explaining the idea to him. As they go along, Phil makes a diff between the old and the new version of the file, only to apply the patch to the old version of the file. Well, an odd algorithm for copying a new file over an old file, says Phil, leaving Sam a bit embarrassed.
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Phil is being asked by Fred to help pinpoint a problem by observing the stack trace of an exception that has been raised by a Java program. A multithreaded Java program. "So," points out Phil a source file name with a number printed on the sixth line of the stack trace, "this is the probable culprit as lines higher are from library classes. Could you trigger the error again, only printing out the stack traces of other threads, too?" And Phil got met with a blank stare from Fred: "Uh, wait, um, what again are processes and what threads? I forget, I only know they're somewhat similar." Now Fred felt a bit embarrassed as Phil claimed the ownership of Fred's keyboard for the duration of the project.
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Phil was asked to code the part of a GUI dealing with representing the content of a particular database table. It was explained to him the table basically connected two entities in a many-to-many relationship. Only it wasn't quite obvious from the design: a table having its own primary key field, and one foreign field from one table and one foreign field from the other table, not even having a unique constraint over the couple of foreign fields. After escalating the issue with the boss and having a refreshing talk with the one that designed it, the table was redesigned properly, not leaving out someone becoming somewhat embarrassed.
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Prediction: Phil becomes a one-man-band for software design, development, and support. Everyone else goes to sales and marketing.