The landlord installed "AI Attention & Sentiment Cameras" in our ceiling panels last week, claiming they were necessary for "Corporate Wellness Compliance." The cameras were programmed to analyze employee facial expressions and feed real-time metrics into a central "Happiness Index." Unfortunately, the AI had been trained on polished Silicon Valley stock photos and had no context for the face of an IT professional staring at a corrupted network driver. By Tuesday morning, my standard expression—a neutral, slightly deadpan stare—was flagged by the system as "Level 4 Workplace Agitation." The ceiling camera directly above my desk clicked, pulsed a bright pink light, and the building’s automated HVAC system began softly blowing lavender-scented air onto my head while playing ambient elevator jazz from the ceiling speaker. "What is that noise?" Gary from Sales shouted over the jazz. "The building thinks I’m unhappy," I called...
A work of fiction. Nothing here is real. NOTHING I SAY! Just a funny spin on the stuff that goes on at work.