The dregs of I.T.

The boss slips into my quarter cubical of personal space and says beamingly, “Wireless networking! That’s the way to go!” Acting like the good drone I am (well, at work, see it’s an act) I swivel my chair to face him and tilt my head a little to the left, perfect drone body language for “What?” “See, I saw it on this Tech program on my satellite TV! It’s wonderful; you can hook up your computer to the internet without wires. Amazing stuff, imagine this, working any place in the office, and still being connected to the LAN and internet. It’s going to double our productivity!” Now I tilt my head to the right, prefect IT body language for “What the heck?” He still doesn’t get it, and plows right on. “Once we get ourselves the gizmo to go wireless, we can pull the internet waves from the very AIR!” At this point he’s frothing slightly at the mouth. I raise my hand, catch his attention and say “We get internet access from the air?” “Well”, he stumbles on, “I think we do. The TV ...

"... and then you find out the top 30% of most sold items and sum them up." I go: "Ahaaa...", as I try to wake up the hamster inside my head. "... sales statistics... adjust prices... the tax report... inventory..." "Ahaaa..." "... a loophole... percentage... minimise the income figures... spending..." "Yeaaa...." "So, will you be able to do it?" "Sure." Still in a dizzy state, I search the phone book for something with the word "tax" in it. And then make a call. "... tax office... blah blah..." "Um. Yeaa.... I'd like to report a tax fraud. Fuzzboys Inc. want to evade a bit of tax with some statistics." "... blah blah..." Whatever. I hang up and go out in search for a cup of coffee before someone kills my hamster. Curiously enough, on my return a coworker tells me that Fuzzboys Inc. cancelled the order for that big twisted statistics calculation mod...