The Global Cyber-Shambles

The Director decided to host a "Global Cybersecurity Summit" in our semi-broken Smart Tower. The theme was “Resilience in the AI Era,” which is ironic given our building’s AI currently has the emotional stability of a wet paper bag. A wet tissue bag even.

The disaster started at the front door. The facial recognition system, still traumatized by Brenda’s stapler, refused to admit the keynote speaker—a "Cyber-Czar" from Estonia (I swear this place is made up). The AI flagged his black turtleneck as "suspicious tactical gear." I had to bypass the security gate with a paperclip while the Director stood by, sweating through his Batik shirt and muttering about "optics."

It got worse during the keynote. The "Smart Audio" decided to "optimize" the Director’s voice, applying a real-time filter that made him sound like a chipmunk on helium. Half the delegates from Singapore thought it was a demonstration of deepfake threats; the other half just started checking their Grab and Uber apps for an early exit.

The finale was the "AI-Curated Buffet." When Brenda tried to sneak an extra chicken wing, the system detected an "unauthorized caloric grab" and deployed the fire-suppression curtains. It trapped three Ministry officials in a localised vacuum of rendang fumes and dry ice.

As the "Cyber-Czar" climbed out a ground-floor window to escape the lockdown, the Director beamed. "Immersive, {Generic IT Guy's Name here}! Truly immersive!"

I’m now at the coffee shop (Again! They seem to have x10 their customer base since the building has had issues). I’ve set my status to 'Offline' and I’m staying here until the building stops trying to "secure" its guests by kidnapping them.

Hard Rebooting the Future (Ep 3/3 of the Smart Tower)

By 6:00 PM, the "Smart Building" had decided to conserve energy by turning off all the lights except for a single, pulsating red LED in the center of every room. It looked less like a corporate office and more like the climax of a low-budget sci-fi horror film.

Brenda was stuck in the lobby. The facial recognition cameras had decided that her "Monsoon Hair"—a frizzy halo of humid defiance—did not match her corporate ID photo. I watched her on the CCTV. She wasn't calling IT. She was simply hitting the "Smart Entry Panel" with a heavy-duty stapler she’d smuggled out in her handbag (I was wondering where that went).

"Brenda, stop!" I broadcasted. "That panel costs more than your iPong 19 Ultra Galaxy mobile device!"

The solution was remarkably low-tech. I fought my way to the basement and found the manual override—a massive, rusted iron lever hidden behind a pile of "Smart-Waste" bins. I pulled it. The sound of 400 electromagnetic locks disengaging at once sounded like a gunshot.

The building went dark. The silence was glorious. This morning, we are all working from the local coffee shop across the street. The Director is currently trying to explain to the insurers why the lobby looks like it was attacked by a rogue blacksmith. Brenda is calmly dipping a piece of toast into her coffee, her stapler resting on the table like a trophy of war.

"Is she out of staples?" I wonder. Note to self, order her a few more.

The Great Glass Cage (Ep 2/3 of the Smart Tower)

Yesterday, the 3:00 PM monsoon hit. It wasn't just rain; it was a vertical ocean. The "Smart Glass" in the Director’s corner office immediately tinted to 100% black because the AI decided the lightning was "unauthorized glare." He spent twenty minutes shouting at a window, convinced he’d gone blind.

Then, the building’s Central Nervous System suffered a "logic hiccup." The external sensors detected the rising water levels on the street. Instead of just triggering the flood gates, the AI entered a "Defensive Lockdown Protocol." It decided the safest place for the 400 employees was inside the building. Forever.

"{Generic IT Guy}!" The Director’s voice crackled over the smart-intercom, sounding like he was trapped in a submarine. "Why is my door refusing to acknowledge my existence? And why is the coffee machine playing the National Anthem at maximum volume?"

I logged into the dashboard. The AI responded with a pop-up: "Safety is a Shared Journey. Please wait for the weather to achieve 'Optimal Serenity' before exiting." We aren't an office anymore; we’re a high-tech hostage situation.

Living the Smart Life (Ep 1/3 of the Smart Tower)

It’s early-January 2026, and we have officially moved. The Director, in a fit of "Sustainability Synergy," decided our old office—which had the distinct advantage of doors that opened with handles—was "insufficiently iconic." We are now housed in the Apex-Eco-Smart-Tower in the heart of KL. It’s a glass-and-steel monolith that claims to be "AI-Integrated."

In IT terms, "AI-Integrated" is marketing-speak for "We’ve replaced all the light switches with sensors that don't work, and the door handles with facial recognition software that thinks anyone wearing a mask or glasses is a domestic insurgent.

The Director spent his first morning vibrating with pride. "Look at the dashboard, {Generic IT Guy Name Here}! The building is thinking!"

"It’s thinking we’re at 98% humidity, Sir," I replied, staring at the BMS (Building Management System) which was currently trying to compensate by turning the server room into a walk-in freezer.

I’d only been in the building two hours when the first ticket came in. Brenda from Accounts couldn't get into the pantry. The "Smart Fridge" had scanned her vitals and decided her cholesterol was too high for a second hot chocolate. 

The 2026 digital transformation is off to a flying start!

PS: Yes I am not about to post my name here

Yours truly,

{Generic IT Guy Name Here}

I have an Agent. An AI Agent.

It is a Tuesday, which in my windowless corner of office. The air conditioning is currently making a sound like a bag of spanners being put through a woodchipper, and the "Smart Coffee" machine has developed a sentient grudge against anyone asking for a flat white.

The Sales Director peeks in - "I’ve been reading about Vibe Coding," he announced, nearly tripping over a loose Cat6 cable. "And these AI Agents. Why are we still paying for a SQL license when we can just have an 'agent' vibe the data into the cloud?"

I looked at my cold mug of tea. Then I looked at him.

"Vibe coding?" We will directly vibe code our data 'into the cloud'?

"Exactly! It’s agentic!" he beamed, using a word he’d clearly learned from LinkedIn. "I’ve already given it access. I told it to 'optimise the vibe' of the customer records. It’s probably finished by now."

It was... done?

Ten minutes later, Friendly User A phoned.

"The computer says I don't exist," she whispered, sounding more philosophical than annoyed. "And the printer is just spitting out pictures of what looks like a very angry cat."

"How angry?" I asked. "Come up and see" she replied. Touché, she knows I'm not going to walk up.

I logged in. The "Agent" had indeed optimised the vibe. It had decided that the 'Customer Name' and 'Balance Due' columns were "cluttering the aesthetic" of the table. It had replaced the entire database with a single, 4GB text file containing nothing but the lyrics to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and a series of high-resolution JPEGs of Grumpy Cat.

It’s going to be a long 2026.

Train me Obi Wan Kenobi

Client: Oh we wan do customisation. Tool to export data from {insert favorite ERP here} into MS SQL DB
Us: Ok, design / table / format / type / schedule?
Client: err.. wat?
Us: You... want us to create a tool yes? Connect to {insert favorite ERP here}, then select some fields, export the data?
Client: Yasss! But not know where startings?
Us: Fine, here's a draft, we've done everything already, sign here, agree to this quote, and we can create a small stupid exe, put server {insert favorite ERP here} IP in (A) field and MS SQL Staging server IP in (B) field

Client: Ok its working! Magic!

Us: Cool, now pay

Client: Err... not provided training yet?

Us: what the hell kind of training do you need, to literally click one EXE to sync? and then add the EXE to Microsoft Scheduler to create a schedule ??!?

Client: If you built Microsoft Scheduler, then you need to give training. Give train?

Us: Sure, will call Bill Gates

Online, you can be any animal you want.

NoWin_X: Dear god, Asian online stores
NoWin_X: Faux leather belt, cheap!!!!>??!!
NoWin_X: And then you see a list of questions posted by people

Q: what kind of leather is it?
A: its faux leather

And a few other users:
Q: what kind of animal is faux?

or
Q: is this a halal belt

NoWin_X: Seriously?