It is a Tuesday, which in my windowless corner of office. The air conditioning is currently making a sound like a bag of spanners being put through a woodchipper, and the "Smart Coffee" machine has developed a sentient grudge against anyone asking for a flat white.
The Sales Director peeks in - "I’ve been reading about Vibe Coding," he announced, nearly tripping over a loose Cat6 cable. "And these AI Agents. Why are we still paying for a SQL license when we can just have an 'agent' vibe the data into the cloud?"
I looked at my cold mug of tea. Then I looked at him.
"Vibe coding?" We will directly vibe code our data 'into the cloud'?
"Exactly! It’s agentic!" he beamed, using a word he’d clearly learned from LinkedIn. "I’ve already given it access. I told it to 'optimise the vibe' of the customer records. It’s probably finished by now."
It was... done?
Ten minutes later, Friendly User A phoned.
"The computer says I don't exist," she whispered, sounding more philosophical than annoyed. "And the printer is just spitting out pictures of what looks like a very angry cat."
"How angry?" I asked. "Come up and see" she replied. Touché, she knows I'm not going to walk up.
I logged in. The "Agent" had indeed optimised the vibe. It had decided that the 'Customer Name' and 'Balance Due' columns were "cluttering the aesthetic" of the table. It had replaced the entire database with a single, 4GB text file containing nothing but the lyrics to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and a series of high-resolution JPEGs of Grumpy Cat.
It’s going to be a long 2026.
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