The Director decided to host a "Global Cybersecurity Summit" in our semi-broken Smart Tower. The theme was “Resilience in the AI Era,” which is ironic given our building’s AI currently has the emotional stability of a wet paper bag. A wet tissue bag even.
The disaster started at the front door. The facial recognition system, still traumatized by Brenda’s stapler, refused to admit the keynote speaker—a "Cyber-Czar" from Estonia (I swear this place is made up). The AI flagged his black turtleneck as "suspicious tactical gear." I had to bypass the security gate with a paperclip while the Director stood by, sweating through his Batik shirt and muttering about "optics."
It got worse during the keynote. The "Smart Audio" decided to "optimize" the Director’s voice, applying a real-time filter that made him sound like a chipmunk on helium. Half the delegates from Singapore thought it was a demonstration of deepfake threats; the other half just started checking their Grab and Uber apps for an early exit.
The finale was the "AI-Curated Buffet." When Brenda tried to sneak an extra chicken wing, the system detected an "unauthorized caloric grab" and deployed the fire-suppression curtains. It trapped three Ministry officials in a localised vacuum of rendang fumes and dry ice.
As the "Cyber-Czar" climbed out a ground-floor window to escape the lockdown, the Director beamed. "Immersive, {Generic IT Guy's Name here}! Truly immersive!"
I’m now at the coffee shop (Again! They seem to have x10 their customer base since the building has had issues). I’ve set my status to 'Offline' and I’m staying here until the building stops trying to "secure" its guests by kidnapping them.
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